Finding a better way to get positive behaviors by acknowledging the real reasons for them. "It Was Never Your Fault"These are some of the most powerful words I use in coaching parents. "It was never your fault," carries a healing message to children that releases them from undeserved guilt. When children are free of guilt, they're learning, listening, and functioning well.
When parents are also freed from guilt, they, too, learn, listen and function well. That's my aim, to help you, as a parent release guilt that you never deserved.
"How does that work?" you might wonder. I offer parents forgiveness because I truly believe you/they have always been doing what you knew how to do. When my kids were young, I made a lot of mistakes. If I'd had a parent coach back then, I would have loved guidance and forgiveness from a trusted professional. I think it would have made all the difference. Now that that ship has sailed, I feel privileged to be able to lead parents through Present Moment Parenting in a way I never was. I feel honored to say, "You did your best. It was never your fault when things didn't go well."
And for kids, it's the same. There's not a child in the world who doesn't want to be in close connection with their parents. After all, parents are their survival, so it makes sense that they would strive to maintain the bond. But their emotional state, undeveloped as it is, prevents them from making the bond stronger. They falter, they have meltdowns, they make their parents feel frustrated and angry.
As the adults, it's our job to realize they never intended this disruption in the closeness with us. They just lacked the brain development to control their outbursts, their refusals, and their nasty words. Once we realize that undeveloped brains is the issue, and not bratty, controlling, impossible kid, we're miles ahead of the game of healing the break between ourselves and our children.
So, what's the first step? Changing our automatic reaction to defiance from one of upset and consequences to one of understanding, calm, and listening to the underlying emotion. When we can do that, our kids feel seen, heard, felt, safe. And from there, we can gain their cooperation.
Recently I heard a quote from a parent that went: "Once I dropped the parent role and focused on strengthening our relationship, everything got better." That to me, is gold.
What do kids need? A loving, accepting, guiding presence. This enables them to learn, follow, and emulate their parents' behavior, especially forgiveness.
If you'd like more information on how parent coaching works, click here. I'd love to help you form that strong, healing bond with your children that reduces defiance, strengthens your relationship, and brings peace to your home.
To read or listen to my book, click here: Present Moment Parenting; The Guide to a Peaceful Life with Your Intense Child.
Helping Keep Tabs on Kids’ Phones
Posted: February 7, 2019
Below is a list of apps that can be helpful monitoring your kids’ phone location and usage.
1. Many wireless carriers have their own apps: (AT&T FamilyMap, Sprint Family Connector, Verizon FamilyBase and T-Mobile FamilyWhere)
2. Below are free or low cost apps:
-Life 360 is a location tracking app
-Time Away helps manage app usage and location tracking
-Mama Bear does location tracking and sends updates on social media and types of posts
-My Mobile Watchdog has parent controls including phone logs, read text messages on teen’s phones, and location tracking. It can be used to block certain times of use, and block certain apps. It’s not spyware in that the kid is aware they are being watched.
-Mobiflock’s Mobile Guardian has similar controls to My Mobile Watchdog, with more ability for web filtering and content blocking
-Canary lets parents know if teens are using the phone in the car while driving, allows “geo- fencing” – areas the phone can/can’t be used, and allows a phone curfew.
-Mobile Guardian includes web content filtering, application blocking, scheduling use, contacts management and contacts blocking, as well as a GPS tracking and geo-fencing
This should be very helpful as you work to keep your child safe!
How Do Your Social Media Habits Measure Up? Click here for more information.
For help with monitoring phones or any other parenting issue, please click here.