What Help Can You Get from the Book "Present Moment Parenting"?
Posted: January 11, 2020
What help can you get from the book Present Moment Parenting: The Guide to a Peaceful Life with Your Intense Child?
It came to me the other day that I may not have written a good article on the benefits of my book, so today, in a calm moment after the holiday hoopla and with some quiet thinking time, here goes:
The main idea of Present Moment Parenting is that you have all the power you need to help your child with challenging behaviors right now. As The Power of Now author Eckhart Tolle put it: "Nothing has ever happened in the past. And nothing will ever happen in the future. Everything happens in the present moment."
It might be hard to imagine that we don't have to bring the past into our parenting. We've had all these experiences with our kids, like repeated refusals and melt-downs, that seem to "prove" that we need to be on guard for the next explosion. Present Moment Parenting helps parents to realize that if we don't want a replay of that last eruption, we can simply meet the child in the present, be curious about her emotional state, reflect the feelings she's having, and say goodbye to escalations. Too easy? Seems like it, but it works.
How about the future? If we let her get away with this willfulness now, won't she grow up to be spoiled and "entitled?" Funny how fearing the future feels like it protects us, but that's actually not helpful because no one can really predict it. We think we can, but how accurate are we when we do? Not so much, in general. So Present Moment Parenting shows the way to stay with the child in front of you right now, and to let go of the fear.
PMP is physiologically based. I've made up the term "physio-relational to describe this phenomenon. Maybe you haven't read a parenting book that discusses the effect of communication from parent to child on the child's body and how it affects the relationship. This book does that. It frees parents from the confusion of "why does she act that way?" by helping them realize it's all a physical response. When you know what to do to create a positive one, you're half-way to better behavior.
More important than "better behavior" is a stronger, more bonded relationship with the child. We know that the old way of behavior charts, grounding, sending children to their room, depriving them of electronics, threatening, and all the other consequences may only have a short-term effect. The physio-relational part comes into play here. To strengthen your relationship, provide communication that goes into the child's body to create a positive response of trust instead of "fight, flight or freeze." Increase those responses in the present moment minus the old fear, and you'll see a happier, more cooperative child. When the relationship feels safe and secure, the positive behavior follows naturally. It's amazing how the human spirit works this way! Emotionally safe and secure - that's a well-behaved kid, and you can create that.
Present Moment Parenting is available on Amazon for readers, and on Audible for those who love to listen.
I hope this has been helpful to you. If you have questions or want to know more about parent coaching for this or any other parenting issue, click here.
Here's to a future with your child that you may not have even imagined!
Tina Feigal, M.S., Ed., Parent Coach and Trainer