What if, in two weeks, you saw huge progress in your child's behavior?

Posted: January 28, 2022

ou might think I'm inflating the 2 week thing, but I am writing this because I see it happening with my coaching clients and I don't want to keep it a secret.
Yes, I've helped parents whose children were feeling very distant, acting out their pain by running away, flinging foul language, stealing and limiting their food intake. After 2 weeks, the communication between these parents and children has improved to the point that the behaviors are dramatically decreased and they are on the road to a brand of connectedness they've never imagined.
How? One of the main tools I use from my book, Present Moment Parenting: The Guide to a Peaceful Life with Your Intense Child is "I see you" letters.
The letters are written in a notebook and placed on the child's pillow. The components are:
  1. When I look at you I see ... (all the good things you can name about your child.)
  2. I also see ... (all the painful things your child is going through.)
  3. I apologize that I came down hard on your when I thought your behavior was something I should control (I was afraid.)
  4. I'm working on making it better.
  5. I love you.
  6. Please feel free to write back to me if you feel like it. Just put the notebook on my pillow. No pressure at all, though.
And then NEVER mention the letter.
Just watch for softening, which is the sign that the child is feeling connected to you. Also watch for a decrease in negative behaviors. All along, the behaviors were a message: "See me! If you don't see me, I'm not going to survive!" Being connected to you is what makes the behaviors lose their purpose. Being seen via a written letter is profound, and it goes deeply into the child that he/she is emotionally safe with you.
To understand how this works in your child's body, watch my TEDx Talk, "How to Stop Meltdowns and Gain Kids' Cooperation!"
And if you like these ideas, please share them with someone who could benefit. All we want is a world of children who feel safe so they can fulfill their potential.
With warm wishes from the frozen MN tundra,
P.S. For parent coaching or to buy my book for yourself or someone you love, click here.

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