My husband and I have struggled for several years to help our daughter in every way possible deal with her anxiety, coming at it from all angles with providers for her. The angle we were missing is the provider we found for us – the parents. Tina has been incredibly insightful and powerfully helpful with her years of coaching, experience…
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As if the start of the year isn't filled with enough anxiety, here comes the COVID-protocol-but-what-about-academics-and-my-child-is-behind-and-will-she-be-safe start of school.
I want to talk about your feelings in this edition, because you really matter and because what you feel often gets transmitted to the child in front of you, even if you don't say anything. Kids are funny that way - they can read your heart.
Anxiety is fear where there's no present threat. Is it presently threatening to send your child into a building where the Delta variant is still very real? It could be. Is the school doing all it can to keep your child safe? Check it out and only send them if it feels as safe as it can be under these circumstances. If it doesn't, contact the school and ask for more safety. Or choose a different school or method of learning.
Now I have this to offer you, Dear Parent. Do what you can to assure the child's safety. Find out how to get free testing for your child or buy some home test kits for your peace of mind.
Then decide whether to visualize your child in peril, or in a safe welcoming environment. For the latter, which I recommend, visualize teachers, many with school-age children of their own, who are working VERY hard to make the school year satisfying to the students. Visualize that they have taken their own precautions to keep everyone safe, and that they are following district guidelines. Visualize that they realize that creating a warm environment overrides academics at the start of this year, that connecting with their students is what will help them feel safe enough to learn. Visualize that everyone is in "catch-up mode." You and your child are not alone.
Remember that no matter how much it seems like it does, worry never changes a situation for the better.
Ask yourself: "What if something goes very right today?" Do this over and over as a gift to you.
Then do what you can to exude confidence in your child's adaptability. Say, "Remember how you got through so much last year? I notice how you built some real skill in making it work. Nothing can take that skill away from you. You're taking it to school with you, and maybe you'll even have an opportunity to help other kids feel safe and included."
"I trust you to do your best."
These times are far from normal, but the lessons in them are invaluable in helping kids cope with the unexpected.
And you have my sincerest wishes for a rich and rewarding school year, maybe in ways you never imagined!
I’m Actually Afraid of This Kid
Parents have occasionally, with understandable reluctance, shared with me that they are afraid of their own kid. Teachers have also confessed that they struggle with fear of certain children. What’s happening when adults are frightened in the presence of children whose behavior has that scary aspect, even when it’s not Halloween?
I wanted to share some great news with you. Last summer, you worked with my husband, Matt and me on our son, Alex. Your coaching made a world of difference for our entire family. Best of all, Alex had a fabulous first year of school last year. He started 1stgrade two weeks ago and the very first week of class he was nominated (out of 28 kids) as the best leader and most enthusiastic in class. A year and a half ago, we never would have expected him to get this award. I told (my friend who referred us to you) that you would be very proud of us as parents and how far our boys have come. Thank you again for making such a difference in our lives!!
Struggle With Child Behavior?
Maybe your child or teen has no diagnosis, but the child behavior problems are just too big to handle on your own. You feel ready for "personalized parent education" customized to your family's needs.